Pretty damn good, from a female perspective. But it doesn't just read for males. This is for all that have reached the other side of 40. I liked this much. I am wayyyyy the other side of 40 and remember my 40 ish self. Wouldn't want to go back to any age besides where I am. It's hard navigating at my age and could not have done anything much different to make it any easier. So, c’est la vie .
I have told my children that whatever a person is at 36, is probably what they are close to always being. I feel like a light begins to turn on around then. So either a person is dense or like what they are at that age. Maybe it's 40's now days. It's rare one changes for anything by 45. Love'm or leave'm.
I appreciate your perspective. Thanks! Though I'm inclined to shift your second paragraph to "whatever a person is at 36, is what they are in danger of always being." :)
I shared your post with my family. My husband lives the kind of life you are describing of perseverance, care, and hard work. I hope my sons will read this and remember what you’ve said. We never stop learning and growing unless we decide to. There’s always a chance to turn and go in a better direction.
This sat with me even though I am female. I can truly see the pressure from society on men to produce as if they are machines. What they produce is almost equivalent to their worth. This is unfortunate. It is not the only burden placed on men, but it is a big one and I can see the weight of it in my male friends' eyes.
Thanks! I want to offer a little bit of clarification though. The key here is that the weight of "doing" isn't unfortunate. It's just a fact. It's the fundamental, essential component of manhood. The faster a man accepts this as something that simply is, rather than something to be fixed or avoided or somehow "moved past", the faster he becomes a genuinely good man. The longer he chooses to duck that truth that he needs to be building *something* for *someone*, the more his soul curdles.
Yeah, hit that at 42, spot on. Sucked it up and spent another decade pretending I was creating value instead of enabling assholes. I would argue, friend, that the dichotomy you describe is between givers and takers.
No matter your sex or your family role, when your well worn hardhat of denials and excuses goes all soggy and disintegrates, it matters less how many years you’ve pounded sand into which rat hole and more where you’re going to put your value next.
My suggestion is that you seriously reassess the investment of your productive decades vis-a-vis your actual values and your hoped-for return.
If you have done the self sacrifice thing for a couple of decades, with sneers and disregard to show for it, cheer up! Sneak home during daylight hours tomorrow, nail the vampires into their little coffins, and take off.
Good news, there’s life after shitheads.
P.S. to younger men: This is super secret, don’t tell, but… some post-menopausal women are rational, easy-going, fun-loving, and… and… just happy and cheerful, for like, no reason. You’ll be glad you stuck it out.
You have learned some valuable lessons. Like no one cares, if value isn't being built it is lost and people older than you think you are an idiot. The same lessons have to be learned by women.
Pretty damn good, from a female perspective. But it doesn't just read for males. This is for all that have reached the other side of 40. I liked this much. I am wayyyyy the other side of 40 and remember my 40 ish self. Wouldn't want to go back to any age besides where I am. It's hard navigating at my age and could not have done anything much different to make it any easier. So, c’est la vie .
I have told my children that whatever a person is at 36, is probably what they are close to always being. I feel like a light begins to turn on around then. So either a person is dense or like what they are at that age. Maybe it's 40's now days. It's rare one changes for anything by 45. Love'm or leave'm.
Good read tho.
I appreciate your perspective. Thanks! Though I'm inclined to shift your second paragraph to "whatever a person is at 36, is what they are in danger of always being." :)
They hit home hard. Good stuff
I shared your post with my family. My husband lives the kind of life you are describing of perseverance, care, and hard work. I hope my sons will read this and remember what you’ve said. We never stop learning and growing unless we decide to. There’s always a chance to turn and go in a better direction.
This sat with me even though I am female. I can truly see the pressure from society on men to produce as if they are machines. What they produce is almost equivalent to their worth. This is unfortunate. It is not the only burden placed on men, but it is a big one and I can see the weight of it in my male friends' eyes.
I look forward to more of your posts.
Thanks! I want to offer a little bit of clarification though. The key here is that the weight of "doing" isn't unfortunate. It's just a fact. It's the fundamental, essential component of manhood. The faster a man accepts this as something that simply is, rather than something to be fixed or avoided or somehow "moved past", the faster he becomes a genuinely good man. The longer he chooses to duck that truth that he needs to be building *something* for *someone*, the more his soul curdles.
Great stuff, thanks.
Yeah, hit that at 42, spot on. Sucked it up and spent another decade pretending I was creating value instead of enabling assholes. I would argue, friend, that the dichotomy you describe is between givers and takers.
No matter your sex or your family role, when your well worn hardhat of denials and excuses goes all soggy and disintegrates, it matters less how many years you’ve pounded sand into which rat hole and more where you’re going to put your value next.
My suggestion is that you seriously reassess the investment of your productive decades vis-a-vis your actual values and your hoped-for return.
If you have done the self sacrifice thing for a couple of decades, with sneers and disregard to show for it, cheer up! Sneak home during daylight hours tomorrow, nail the vampires into their little coffins, and take off.
Good news, there’s life after shitheads.
P.S. to younger men: This is super secret, don’t tell, but… some post-menopausal women are rational, easy-going, fun-loving, and… and… just happy and cheerful, for like, no reason. You’ll be glad you stuck it out.
You have learned some valuable lessons. Like no one cares, if value isn't being built it is lost and people older than you think you are an idiot. The same lessons have to be learned by women.
To thine own self be true. This always works for me. Comparison to others seem futile.