Two Terrible Habits of California Drivers

I know, just two?

Driving along, minding my own business, and WHAT IS THIS JACKWAGON DOING!? (Photo by why kei on Unsplash)

I live in California. I love it. Can’t beat the weather. Can’t beat the food. I said what I said. But after a frustrating trip to the store where I had a pair of experiences I’ve had for the umpteenth time now (seriously, I see these two things almost daily), I feel like I need to write this just to get it off my chest. Californians do two things on the road that absolutely drive me nuts. 

This whole premise might sound like low-hanging fruit. California drivers are a punchline for a reason. But I’ve lived and driven in several very different places in my life, so I’ve actually seen different driving quirks among different populations. Oklahoma drivers just go around. Utah drivers have no idea anyone else is on the road. And Californians do two things that I’ve never seen anyplace else, but are absolutely endemic here. If you do these, know that I’m judging you. 

One: The Lot Lane Lurk

So I’m driving down a lane in a parking lot, and have to stop. I have to stop because there’s a guy lurking, holding up the whole lane while he waits for somebody to pull out of their spot. There’s no backup lights on, but he’s waiting. There’s a whole parking lot to park in. This jerk could drive on and find a spot. There’s even a spot in direct line of sight, 10 spaces further down the lane. It’s right there, wide open. I want to go park in that spot, because the idea of stopping in the lane is totally absurd. Can I get there? Nope, because this guy is blocking the whole lane. 

And it’s not like somebody’s pulling out so the guy had to stop because the leaving driver couldn’t see before she started backing out. That happens, and it’s normal; people waiting a second so somebody can get out isn’t what I’m talking about here. Nope, the leaving driver isn’t even in her car. She’s loading her groceries in the trunk. The guy in the lane is waiting for her to load her groceries, and will continue to lurk there until she puts her cart back, gets in her car, finishes texting, and finally decides to leave. There’s a spot 10 spaces further on. Wide open. Nope. He’s lurking, waiting on this one. And now I’m stuck behind him. Thanks, jerk. 

This happens all the time. I’ve never seen it anyplace else. If you have, I feel your pain. And if you’re somebody who lurks like this, I’m judging you. If you drive right past open spots to go lurk on one that’s five spots closer to the store, I’m judging you. Drive on, buddy. Drive on please. 

Two: The Corner Curb Creep

So there I am, at a red light, in the right hand lane. This being California, there’s a little extra space to my right, between me and the curb. Bicyclists are supposed to use that space, but I had my semi-annual bicyclist sighting already, just a couple months ago. So there’s nobody in that space. 

Nobody except the Honda Civic trying to crawl up the curb to shortcut the wait to turn right. Seriously?!

Seriously. At big red lights, the space between the right hand line of traffic and the gutter will slowly be crawled into by people who just can’t wait the minute it will take for the light to turn green and the whole line to start moving. Nope, this guy has to turn right. Has to. He can’t wait. He’s way too important to wait … or something. So into that space, not really designed for cars to be in, he eases. Two inches from the cars in the regular traffic lane. Creeping on by. 

At longer-interval lights, these people will even form a third impromptu lane over there, queuing up to save 30 seconds on their right turn. Way to save that time, jerks. 

My favorite is when somebody starts this and then realizes he can’t make it. Somebody’s stopped in the lane a little too close to the curb. So the guy in the Civic creeps as far as he can, and then just sits there like a doofus, and has to wait for the light anyway. Serves you right.

Just give it a minute, man

It’s really all about patience. Impatience causes accidents. Waiting just a minute can save everybody aggravation. Chill out, California drivers. Just chill, man. Now I’ll chill out, too. Until next time.