Transformers: Rise of the Beasts
Just go with it
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023)
3 / 5
The Transformers stories have never made a huge amount of sense. Originally separate Japanese toy lines cobbled together by America’s Hasbro, the figures have no standard scale, no standard style, and no internal coherence. Only in the toy industry of the 1980s, that wild frontier where creatives were willing to go for broke on bonkers new ideas, could this hodgepodge property have worked. And though the visual part of the Transformers was always incoherent, that all-or-nothing 80s gambling produced some of the most iconic sounds of the generation. Be honest, ye Gen-Xers, you can’t hear that wah-wah-wah-wah “transform” sound and not feel like a kid again for a second. That and the cartoon theme song are all you really need, right?
Well, that and Peter Cullen. Optimus Prime is the straw that stirs this drink. Get him right, and the rest can be whatever. Which brings us to these Michael Bay reboot romps of the past 15 years now. Once again, these movies don’t make a lot of sense. Rise of the Beasts is a reboot of the reboot, for heaven’s sake. Characters just exist with no substantive explanation. The script seems to be playing a game to see how little “lore” it can get away with introducing. There is just enough of a whisper of plot to move the characters to the next big set-piece (seriously, don’t ask questions–just go with it), big-boom action in the Michael Bay style, and a voice cast taking it all completely seriously. This is topped off, of course, by Cullen’s irreplaceable Optimus Prime making every line an unironic Heroic Pronouncement (“We will fight them together! AS ONE!”) that still makes you believe it. It’s not high art, but if you’re like 11 (or want to feel 11 for a couple of hours) it’s a fastball down the middle.
I had an odd quibble that is worth mentioning, as it leads to the only real surprise of the whole movie. As much as Pete Davidson gives the character of Mirage a street-bro fist-bump vibe, part of me yearned for Ice-T there. That would have made Mirage feel like more of a mentor to Noah (the movie’s human hero) instead of a homie, but that would have felt more natural to me. The buddy angle that Mirage and Noah cultivated through the film came off like it was trying a little too hard (though kids will undoubtedly love it). Then the end scene hits, setting up a potential ludicrous-but-might-still-be-awesome crossover Hasbroverse, and the duo makes sense. I won’t spoil that directly, because it’s also a “you’ll feel like a kid again” moment. Maybe not a moment that will make you want to pay full theater prices for this movie, but maybe on half-price matinee day. It’s giant robots whupping each other, after all. It makes good use of the big screen if you can swing it.
3 stars of 5: It’s big dumb disposable summer fun, and there’s nothing really wrong with that if you’re willing to just go with it.